Comments are done for hour 2 of the PK Wars! At least until the next time I read this page & realize that I've left something out. Again, I'm sorry I took so long to finish the comments & explanations for the Crichtonisms for parts 2 & 4 of Peacekeeper Wars. I guess I felt like once I finished the last two pages, Farscape would really be over, & therefore Crichtonisms would be over. It made me sad & reluctant to end this fantastic endeavor. Thanks for your patience. - Alex -- e-mail questions/comments to me at cz_alex(@)crichtonisms(dot)com

Referring to Rygel:
J: Is it just me, or is he getting bigger?
A: It's a geometric pregnancy.
J: Please tell me that means we're going to have a mathematician.
There's a hint of desperation in John's voice. First he finds out the love of his life is pregnant with possibly not his baby, then she's kidnapped, & he has to rescue her and try to save Earth from future invasion by the nasty lizard aliens. He finally finds out it's his baby, asks her to marry him, she accepts, they both get crystallized into a million pieces, and spend the next two months in what's basically suspended animation waking to find out that not only is he going to be a father, but he's going to be a dad in a matter of days, not months, days. If anyone has the right to freak out, John has earned it.

J: You just made a joke.
A: Soldiers don't have a sense of humor.
Aeryn winks at John and struts away down the corridor.
J: (in best good-ole-boy drawl) You better have my dinner ready when I get back on that ship now.
John says this in such a darling southern accent....I'd make him dinner. And you know that John knows that Aeryn wears the pants in this family.

Scorpius has just been talking with some of the priests when John walks up.
S: Interesting, these Eidelons
J: Yup, tell me about it, Bob.
What's with John calling Scorpy Bob lately? 

John argues that the Eidelons are the way to go while Scorpius still wants wormhole weapons.
S: Primacy achieved during peace will always be challenged; however, if assented during conflict, it can last a lifetime.
J: You want to say that in English? John is trying to point out that Scorpius is using vocabulary that is purposely confusing or complicated. It's obviously English but not exactly plain English. Instead of saying "If we bargain for peace, it won't be a stable peace. If we beat them, and they surrender, we can make a stable peace" Scorpius buries the point he is trying to make under unnecessary words. If anyone wants to look up any of Scorpius's words, I recommend using a dictionary site like Merriam-Webster

The Scarrans are converging on Arnesk, and the priests won't leave.
J: Hierarch, these are not chirpy Saturday morning Sleestacks coming.
Yondalao: The decision has been made.
J: The big hand says I don't have time to argue, and the little hand says, "Pakal, it's time to go."
Sleestacks were creatures in the Land of the Lost, a television show that aired from 1974-77.  They were tall, thin green lizard men.   While looking up sleestack's online, I found a jazz band named....Sleestack.  Crazy!  Though the band members themselves are not tall, thin and green. . "The big hand" is referring to the minute hand of a clock. Kids in America are sometimes taught to read a clock by explaining what time is indicated based on the positions of the "little hand" (hour hand) & the "big hand" (minute hand).

Yondalao announces that Pakal can't leave; his training isn't finished.
J: There's an entire planet of his people waiting out there. How the hell are we supposed to bring them up to speed?
Yondalao: I will instruct them.
To bring someone up to speed means to explain a situation or train someone quickly so they have the same information or level of understanding as the rest of the people involved and can continue learning or working with that group and not cause delay.

J: Jool, you should come too.
Jool: I can't, I belong here. Go.
Jool kisses John's forehead.
J: You always made the best mistakes.
Ahh, this goes right back to when they first met. Poor Jool, if only she had known what was coming next. Incidentally, there is a term for a good mistake or happy accident. It is serendipity.

Everyone is leaving Moya after the Scarrans threaten to destroy her. D'Argo & Chiana are hiding on Lo'La.
J: D, last chance to bail.
To bail is to give up or to quit before the end, to leave suddenly & with little warning.

In the transport pod on the way to the Scarran ship, Scorpius is not pleased with the situation.
S: Isn't he supposed to be rescuing us?
J: (to Yondalao) Yeah, how about that? We stride onto the ship, and you convince the Scarrans to smoke the peace pipe.
I did a little research on this one. John is referring to a custom among various Native American groups where a pipe is smoked at the beginning of rites, meetings, and ceremonies to prepare the participants, to put them in the right frame of mind. Tobacco is used ritually in many Native American groups. The pipe is usually puffed, but the smoke is not inhaled. I gathered the above information on a few sites about different Native American groups.

to Emperor Stahleek
J: Hey, Godzilla, let's get this over with. ... I can't give you wormhole weapons.
Stahleek: Then you will die.
J: You're asking for a kilo of pure wormhole tech, something I don't have. But I can take you to the guy that does.
"Kilo of pure..." Kilo is short for kilogram. John is referring to wormhole weaponry the way a drug dealer would refer to cocaine or heroin which, as I understand from many cop shows, is generally shipped to a distributor in 1 kilogram packets.

John proposes that he & Stahleek go alone through the wormhole.
War Minister Ahkna: The Emperor will never go alone with you in your craft. I will accompany you.
J: Yes! It's always good to see who wears the britches in a relationship.
Stahleek: (to Ahkna) No, set a course to rejoin the battlegroup at the Water Planet. We will leave as soon as I return.
J: (to Ahkna) It's a question of balls. Ball's in his court. Now I get to explain "who wears the pants in the family."
This is a phrase which is meant usually as an insult or a misogynistic compliment to a man about his relationship with his wife or girlfriend. The person who wears the pants in the family is the on with the most authority, the one in charge. "Britches" is a regional and/or historic term meaning pants. Balls is a slang term for testicles. "Ball is in his court" is a phrase from tennis I think. In idiomatic terms, it means that the next decision has to be made by that person.

in John's module
Stahleek: I grow weary.
J: We'll stop for coffee on the way back.
Ahhh, coffee, java, cup of joe, it's all good in my book. Do you suppose they have Starbucks in the Uncharted Territories?

John has a conversation with Harvey while John & Stahleek are waiting for the wormhole to open.
Harvey: Just crash the module. No more Stahleek.
J: No more Crichton, no more Aeryn, no more anyone. You think War Minister Psychodrama is going to be a kindler, gentler soul?

Stahleek is growing impatient with waiting.
Stahleek: There is no wormhole here.
J: We're catching the 7:15 to enlightenment. It's just a little late.
"Catching the 7:15" is an allusion to train, bus, or plane departure times. People often say "I'm getting the 6:45 to Boston" (or whereever) instead of saying "I'm flying to Boston on the flight leaving at 6:45am. We do like our short-cuts even in speech.

The wormhole open in front of the module.
Stahleek: This is the source of your knowledge?
J: That, and the backs of cereal boxes. Hitch up your diaper, Big Boy; the first time is always the worst.
When I was a kid, we hardly ever had cold cereal, but my friends did and they were always getting information from the backs of cereal boxes. Now that I'm an adult, I eat more cold cereal than I used to. Many cereal makers put information on the backs of their boxes. Sometimes it is just about the cereal, but, especially on kids' cereals, there is often fund facts about science or nature or sports, etc. The diaper & Big Boy comment made me think of Baby Huey cartoons. Baby Huey is this huge baby duck that wears a baby bonnet & a diaper and towers over his diminutive daddy.

There's a lot of turbulence in the wormhole.
Stahleek: This is normal?
J: No, module's overweight. We got a big bubba in 2B.

On the iceflow in the out-of-time place
J: Check it out! I'm Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is a Christmas song written by Johnny Marks around 1949. You can find the history of Rudolph on this site about hymns & carols.

Einstein appears
Stahleek: Who is this creature?
J: You can call him Einstein, and I suggest you do it nicely.
Stahleek tries to use his heat probe on Einstein, who extinguishes it easily
J: Stahleek, he can wrap time around his little finger. The hoodoo voodoo is not going to work.
Voodoo or Vodon is a religion from the Caribbean region(particularly Haiti) that combines native religions with Catholicism. It spread to the Gulf (of Mexico) regions of the US with a concentration in southern Louisiana, for example New Orleans had (and has) Voodoo practitioners. "Hoodoo Voodoo is the name of a song by the band Wilco from their "Mermaid Avenue" album.

John scoops up a handful of snow, forming it into a snowball. He holds it up to Stahleek.
J: This is your universe. (crumbling the snowball) This is your universe on wormholes.
Any questions?  This is a play on words from a famous anti-drug campaign.  You hold up an egg - "This is your brain."  You break the egg and put it in a hot frying pan - "This is your brain on drugs."  "Any questions?" It wasn't all that affective, just as John's analogy didn't stop Stahleek from wanting his wormhole anyway. 

Einstein: Returning here was wrong.
J: I have to protect the people I love, and you owe me for putting that crap in my head.
Einstein: (in a slightly threatening tone) It may soon be prudent to remove it.
J: Amen, I want to be blond again.
There's a blond joke in there somewhere....I'm sure of it. 

John returns to the containment room aboard the Scarran ship
Sk: You should be dead!
J: And how was your day?
I love sarcastic Crichton.

Yondalao is making headway with Stahleek in working out a peace accord.
S: Yes, that sounds quite reasonable.
J: Yeah, we're walking into Federationville right here. You cross the "Ts", dot the lower case "Js", and we're good to go.
Federationville refers to the United Federation of Planets which is the United Nations-like organization in the Star Trek universe. To "dot your Is I cross your Ts" means to pay careful attention to detail so as not to miss anything important.